I’m attempting to read Alan Bennett’s diary as recommended by that funny lady that I like who writes for the Guardian. Charlotte something. Things keep getting in the way though, not least the game she invites us to play inspired by Alan Bennett – the anti desert islands discs. Songs you would merrily avoid for all of time.
I thought this sounded quite a good idea, so after giving it some thought I’ve actually concluded it’s not very good fun. Because the liklihood is if you haven’t heard it in a while then you forget just HOW MUCH you hate a song. The current hate list would always comprise on those that have been synced within an inch of their life so that you can recite them off by heart like the 2010 crimestoppers ad which features an ‘authentic’ couple to speak to ordinary regular citizens out there. So basically a bird that looks remarkably like Sonja from Eastenders is applying night cream whilst chatting with her hapless partner about all the silly things they’ve done, that positively invite burglars in for a slimfast while their passing. Advertising campaigns that work are glossy and futuristic – People don’t want to think that being ‘normal’ makes them plump, grey and monotonous and they certainly wouldn’t see themselves in that couple no matter how accurate it really is. For a start who makes the effort to use nightcream if you’re under thirty?Realistically who over thirty can be bothered to use nightcream unless you’re Joan Rivers or Collins or have that £ 200 creme de la mer one, in which case petty crime would be prevented by all manner of hi-tech solutions and a Great Dane.
So songs that you would quite happily never hear again is not really a going concern as if you don’t hear them you can forget they even exist after a few weeks of them randomly playing in your head.
For fun I can list some songs I’d like to pretend have never existed but they probably won’t be representative of any period besides the very recent past…
Scouting For Girls – She’s So lovely
Wombats – Let’s dance to Joy Division
Cascasda – all songs they have
Bob Dylan Christmas album. No thanks.
Sun Ra. I can go to a farm if I want to hear slain geese.
Paolo Nutini – New Shoes
Feeder – Buck Rogers
